Bismillah.

#SelfDiscovery

This is a hard question. Not because I don't know the answer. Cause I have two version of it. Ideally and reality.

Reality, I think I focus too much on myself.

Ideally, I should prioritize Allah first, then my husband, then me. I should prioritize with things that are usefull for my growth, and abandone things that are dangerous for me in a short term or long term.

I should prioritize quran, than social medias. I should prioritize studying than entertaining myself. I should prioritize a healthy meal over junk food. I should prioritize a morning walk than staying inside blanket. I should prioritize finishing my draft than writing fiction inside my head. 

***

Conclusion, I still have to manage my priorities. I still need to build a strong why, surround myself with supportive system (people, place, etc) so that I remember my priorities. 

That's all for today selfd. I still got 9 more question I should answer. I should prioritize finishing this series, instead of writing random mumbling inside my head.

I wish I could just write in Indonesia soon. I know I make a lot of mistakes when writing in english. But that's out of topic. Let's end it here.

Wallahua'lam.

***

Baca juga:

Bismillah.

*selftalk

Ramadan is coming soon, but here I am still struggling with myself. But, actually there's so many blessing this year. So let's not be pessimistic, and try to make a better change even if it's small and seems like worthless.

***

So I've got an empty pot here. So what will come out of it, nothing. So here i am trying to force myself to write. Maybe about the dream I had last night. I always took a meaning of that kind of familiar dream as a sign that I miss that place, the activity there, people I met there. As if I pretend that that dream can also mean, that I have a longing and regret about it. Maybe that's why that repressed emotion is floating and come up as a dream.

Maybe it's because everytime I have an urge to talk about it, I choose to keep my mouth shut. And let the words and memories locked behind closed doors. But telling people about that topic won't be useful for me. Just like how I see it turn tomorrow. Sometimes people just don't know, or insensitive, or ignorance, about how light weight it is for them, and how heavy it is for me. So I just fake a small laugh, as if no burden of scar ever lived inside my heart.

***

It's an empty pot, no water, no tea, no milk, no coffee. Just an empty pot. And the dust start to pile up, and a little spider start to build its home there.

It's an empty but beautiful pot. I want to clean it soon, and fill it up with water. Fresh water, or hot water, or even cold water. Anything good.

That's all my mumbles for today. It's february, it's sya'ban. Time never stand still. I hope you don't forget about it.

Bye~

Wallahua'lam.