Reflection 9 January 2022

Bismillah.

I didn't know that there's a mirror there.

I forget that it can make a twin version of me

Till someone point it out

And I feel caught up

Busted

I thought I hide it perfectly behind the smiling mask

I didn't realize, what I write there is a reflection inside my head

So when someone pointed it out

How negative it is

How dark it is

Suddenly I want to hide

I feel busted

I always put a positive remark in whatever I write

But inside those pages

I put it as it is

How I feel about myself

How I see myself

I didn't even think ahead

How other people see it

How they perchieve it

Sometimes I even put an ambigous sentence to make them confuse

I didn't want to be judge by pieces of paper

I am not ready yet to open up

I still have to learn to love myself

to learn how to see everything in a positive sides

Allahua'lam.

***

PS: I posted it back January 2022. And then put it back to draft some times after posting it.

I don't remember why I wrote this. *now I think I remember haha. Subhanallah, what an amazing brain Allah gives us.

Anyway. I know it's 2023 now.. I haven't write a single post. My last post in 2022 is kinda grey. So I read my drafts, found this and decide to repost it.

If I want to add/change something from what I wrote above.

"Allah doesn't want anybody to judge me by pieces of paper. So He plans, and I'm glad for whatever He writes for my life.

I am still learning how to open up

I am still learning how to love myself, and others.

Still imperfect, and always forget... But hopefully this year is better than years before.

Last, i got nothing else to say, but to recite one of my favorites dua. Laa ilaaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazh zhalimin. Wallahua'lam.