Wave of Emotion

Bismillah.

-Muhasabah Diri-

 

Ombak emosi, datang saja, mengundang air di kelopak mata. Anehnya aku tidak bisa menerka darimana ia datang. Dari rasa sedih kah? Atau takut? Atau kecewa? Atau... rasa negatif lain? Hanya itu yang aku tahu. Muatan ombak kali ini negatif.

 

***

 

Sejujurnya, aku ingin mendistraksi diriku saja, atau membiarkan ombak itu membasahi pipi, dengan menonton atau membaca kisah yang sedih. Tapi jujur aku takut, aku sudah terlalu sering seperti itu. Dan aku tahu itu tidak baik untuk hatiku. Bukankah lebih indah, jika air mata yang berharga ini, jatuh, untuk alasan yang lebih mulia? Bisa jadi, Allah hadirkan ombak emosi itu agar hatiku kembali hidup, setelah kering dan sakitnya.

 

It's complicated. I am conflicted. So let's just write here, and cry then. I want to have a long walk alone, where no one care to ask or to say hi. But I am now not alone, and someone might have the wrong thought when I love so much time with myself.

 

This is, what still seems strange for me. Sometimes, even if I have enough time for myself. I still want it more. I want to be alone. Hopefully with the remembrance Allah. I hope I'm not drawning myself in distraction, just like what I always do whenever I feel like to run.

***

Last, perhaps this wave... is the emotion you've been trying to hide lately. Some emotion, that Allah knows you should release it. That's why it cames to you in a wave. So.. can't you just think of it like you're in a beach, and this wave is calling you to come closer and get wet. It's okay if your face get wet once in a while. It's healthy. So let's just embrace it, and then release it. Just like how wave comes and go.

 

Wallahua'lam.