Bismillah.
-Muhasabah Diri-
I didn't realize time move so fast, while I waste most of it TT Allahummaghfirli..
Today I finish that series of post in my instagram @betterword_kirei. I already have that in mind, that I would choose that book, read again to find quote, and make content from it.
My mind filled with fears. That I become someone whom Allah hates. How can I forget? That ayah...
Some voice in me wanting me to just stop writing. Cause I'm afraid, I can only write, but still stumbling and failing to make it true with my own hand and feet.
But if I stop writing, that memories come. How bad I can be. How worse I can be if I stop writing.
If the intention is bent, all of it... all of this writing will be useless. And I don't want it to be that way.
I know me so well.. how it is cleary dark. That's why I try to reach out for some light. That's why I hope.. this little tiny thing I write, can become a little dot, something that will become good that never cut even though death might be coming soon.
It feels like, it will come soon. Yet I still distracted, and not do more works and pack more good stuff for the next life.
Those fear I feel, how can that become motivation. And not something that urge me to runaway and turn myself blind.
those fear, i wish it is fear that made me closer to Allah.
***
About the title. I talk to someone on slowly, it made me realize how many years have been passed. It's been more than 10 years since I graduate from high school. Yet I still... here I am. Finding not the best version of me.
It's been more than 10 years, and all I see is mistakes, sins, and failure. But also Allah's rahmah.
Laa haula walaa quwwata illa billah.
Sungguh, kalau bukan karena kekuatan dari Allah. Aku tidak akan bisa menulis di sini, atau membuat konten di sana, atau merekam audio podcast baru. Atau bermimpi.. masih bermimpi menulis buku, meski aku tahu betapa hina diri ini.
Terakhir, doa, doa yang kini sudah jaraang kubaca.
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Wallahua'lam.
Sumber https://rumaysho.com/11790-dzikir-dan-doa-dengan-ya-hayyu-ya-qayyum.html7
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْثُ، وَأَصْلِحْ لِيْ شَأْنِيْ كُلَّهُ وَلاَ تَكِلْنِيْ إِلَى نَفْسِيْ طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ أَبَدًا
“Ya hayyu ya qoyyum bi rahmatika astaghiits, wa ash-lihlii sya’nii kullahu wa laa takilnii ilaa nafsii thorfata ‘ainin abadan [artinya: Wahai Rabb Yang Maha Hidup, wahai Rabb Yang Berdiri Sendiri tidak butuh segala sesuatu, dengan rahmat-Mu aku minta pertolongan, perbaikilah segala urusanku dan jangan diserahkan kepadaku sekali pun sekejap mata tanpa mendapat pertolongan dari-Mu selamanya].”
Sumber https://rumaysho.com/11790-dzikir-dan-doa-dengan-ya-hayyu-ya-qayyum.html3
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْثُ، وَأَصْلِحْ لِيْ شَأْنِيْ كُلَّهُ وَلاَ تَكِلْنِيْ إِلَى نَفْسِيْ طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ أَبَدًا
“Ya hayyu ya qoyyum bi rahmatika astaghiits, wa ash-lihlii sya’nii kullahu wa laa takilnii ilaa nafsii thorfata ‘ainin abadan [artinya: Wahai Rabb Yang Maha Hidup, wahai Rabb Yang Berdiri Sendiri tidak butuh segala sesuatu, dengan rahmat-Mu aku minta pertolongan, perbaikilah segala urusanku dan jangan diserahkan kepadaku sekali pun sekejap mata tanpa mendapat pertolongan dari-Mu selamanya].”
Sumber https://rumaysho.com/11790-dzikir-dan-doa-dengan-ya-hayyu-ya-qayyum.html
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْثُ، وَأَصْلِحْ لِيْ شَأْنِيْ كُلَّهُ وَلاَ تَكِلْنِيْ إِلَى نَفْسِيْ طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ أَبَدًا
“Ya hayyu ya qoyyum bi rahmatika astaghiits, wa ash-lihlii sya’nii kullahu wa laa takilnii ilaa nafsii thorfata ‘ainin abadan [artinya: Wahai Rabb Yang Maha Hidup, wahai Rabb Yang Berdiri Sendiri tidak butuh segala sesuatu, dengan rahmat-Mu aku minta pertolongan, perbaikilah segala urusanku dan jangan diserahkan kepadaku sekali pun sekejap mata tanpa mendapat pertolongan dari-Mu selamanya].”
Sumber https://rumaysho.com/11790-dzikir-dan-doa-dengan-ya-hayyu-ya-qayyum.html
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