Akhir yang Baik

Bismillah.

**I'm gonna write something in English. And there will be lots of broken grammar.

It's been two or three days since I don't read any book. I just read some blog posts, and of course hundred lines in WhatsApp.

I actually really want to fill this blog with another nukil buku. But I feel ashamed of myself. I'm afraid I will see another proof that my heart is sick. There's this chapter from a book, about how knowledge should change our attitude and behavior. It should change our way of thinking, and our way of living. Knowledge is not words that we read, or concept we understand, it should be reflected in every steps of our daily life.

So I read that chapter and a sudden quiz come in the night. You know, like when I go to a calculus class back than in college, and suddenly the lecturer told us to closed our book, and gave a surprised quiz. I thought, I just read that chapter, I can clearly remember the message, but why... I found myself failed in that sudden quiz that night? Why I can't act based on the knowledge in my mind, why I lost from myself?

From that moment, I realize many things. The reason why my draft is still a draft. I'm glad I just write something in here. I imagine if I publish a book, people take advantage from it, but.... the reality, I, myself, the book writer can't take advantage from my own writing TT.

You know what worse? It's been more than a week since I realize that. Yet I still don't learn from that. I buried myself in distraction. I don't take a step to become better. Just like what I re-write from a resume two years ago. My reaction to a huda, still number one or two. I should have taking a step forward. TT

Tonight, my sister text me a question. A simple question that makes me writing this...

"Did you personally know M***?"

That question make me open a facebook, type a name, and read a beautiful dua in her profile. That she wants a khusnul khatimah. And Allah has answer her prayer.

How ungrateful I am..if that kind of reminder spread in front of my eyes, and I still don't move my legs towards Him. TT

Let me finish this post with a question to myself, "do you truly want a khusnul khatimah? or is it just a saying written in your vile mask?"

Allahua'lam.