When You're not Doing Enough

Bismillah.

Sulit untuk menerima, bahwa setelah bolos 2 pekan ga nulis 1m1c, dan bolos 2 pekan juga, ga nulis resume SSS. Aku malah hendak menulis topik ini. Hanya karena, hal yang membuatku menulis memang biasanya adalah emosi/perasaanku.

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Siang ini, entah kenapa judul tersebut ingin kutulis. I didn't mean, I really don't know. Maksudku, aku tidak tahu bagaimana menjelaskannya hehe.

Jadi, untuk orang yang terbiasa melakukan banyak hal. Lalu ia tahu persin beberapa pekan ini, you're not doing enough. But having someone else said it to you. How does it felt so.....

Tanpa penegasan dari orang lain pun, sebenarnya kamu sudah tahu. Tapi lewat orang lain... it's sounds like an attack to your emotional side. And you suddenly you find yourself crying, cause now you see it clearly, that you're not doing enough.

On the positive side, my empathy 'talent' side tried to calm myself. "So that's how it is, so this is what the feeling". Hal-hal ini bisa membuatmu mengerti orang lain. Mengapa ada yang begitu 'stress' karena tidak pernah merasa cukup. (it sounds like "tidak merasa cukup" meaning ungrateful) Ralat. I think it's better said in english.

I think this kind of feeling make me understand, why people can be superstress, and depressed, with the feeling "they are not doing enough"

But I'm glad that Allah still hold my heart tight. Agar aku tidak lupa, bahwa meski benar, I'm not doing enough now. But I can always try to be better. And that Allah knows. He knows sometimes, I mean, most of the time I'm weak, so I need His stregth. Dan begitulah manusia, memang diciptakan naik turun, fase demi fase bulan.

That's why, even though I'll still enjoy this crying time.I can reassure myself. It's okay. You can always ask for His help. It's okay.

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Terakhir, tulisan ini mungkin hanya kalimat luapan perasaan, tak tertata rapi, dan ditulis untuk diri sendiri.

Tapi.. kalau misal ada yang baca. I just want to say.

When you're not doing enough. And the feeling "when you're not doing enough" is messing you heart and mind. Get His help. Get connected to Him. Really. In any kind of way. Dzikir, doa, wudhu, shalat, baca quran. Anything. Yakinkan hatimu, Allah tahu semua, Allah mengerti perasaanmu, Allah akan membantumu, Allah, the one and the only.

Qul huwallahu ahad. Allahu shamad.

Allahua'lam.