Monday, June 22, 2026

SelfD #23: What Motivates Me?

by Isabella Kirei on June 22, 2026

Bismillah.

#SelfDiscovery

Knowing that Allah's loves me. that's why when i slipped and do sins/mistakes, i feel like Allah dislike and don't love me, that makes me unmotivate

but then I must remind myself that the fire of guilty in my heart if we've done sin in the past, should be a fuel for us to do many good deeds instead of dwelling on that feeling. (check the story of Musa 'alaihi salam). Cause dwelling in the guilt and following the was-was that you've gone too far, that is what syaithan wants you to.

I remember back then one of things what motivates me is my parents, but after broke their heart. I feel like I can never fulfill that. I brings so many sadness to my life just remembering and imagining how heart broken they are for a stupid big things i did back then.

What motivates me to not give up, is the feeling fear of death in that bad version of me. I was drawning in mud, I was lost, but still Allah guide me through people, writing and the prayer of my parents. And the the fear of death in that version of me back in those days made me move. So I tried to climb from the ravine I fell. And Allah saved me. And Allah let me find myself again.

And even if know sometimes... I have up and down in my faith, Allah still gives me many chances for me to be a better person. That's what motivates me..

Wallahua'lam.

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PS: I remember got the insight from the story of Musa, after he felt guilty accidentally killed a man, and run away from his hometown, and repent to Allah. And then Allah let Musa sees two girls who's struggling to not let their sheep/goat to the water, and those feeling he have after making mistakes makes him want to do goodness, not because he's interested in one of the girl, or want to get paid for that, but because the guilt he felt makes him want to do good. And he helps both the girl with their sheep/goat. And after helping, he just go and lean on the tree and ask for Allah's khair.

The infamous du'a : (رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ)

I think I read it in book titled Revive Your Heart by Nouman Ali Khan.

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