Kalau Butuh Bantuan, Bilang Aja!

Bismillah.

#gakpenting

Better not read this. Hanya curhatan ga penting hehe J.

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lagi seneng ngedesain ngedit layout dari canva

Itu yang ia ucapkan. Katanya harus to the point, dan ga boleh ngode. Aku dibuatnya tersenyum tawar. Untuk yang satu ini.. ingin rasanya aku membuat banyak excuse. Tentang diri yang sering tidak bisa to the point, sering ga bisa minta tolong in my 'dark' day, entah segan, entah somse, entahlah. Untuk yang satu ini... ingin rasanya aku mengelak. Ah.. rasanya tentang ini, bahkan ngode aja aku nggak bisa ma. J Dan beberapa excuse lain, beberapa aku tulis di kertas, beberapa yang lain masih berdesak-desakkan di otakku.

Tapi beberapa lame excuse itu sekejap terlingkupi sisi lain. Just knowing that you're still want to be my friend, you still care for me, and ready to help me whenever I ask, that fact is enough for me. That's enough. Itu saja sudah cukup membuatku terharu. Apalagi sekedar tahu.. kalau ada orang-orang yang mendoakan kebaikan untukku. That's beyond expectation.

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Honestly, instead running to reach what everyone told me to reach, I just want to become a better muslim, a better daughter, a better siblings, a better friends. And maybe I just want to learn again, re-learning how to love myself, how to ask someone else for help, how to open myself and how to limit my worries and just walk step by step.

Honestly, instead of asking for jannah in this Ramadhan, I just want to ask Allah to forgive me, ask Him to save me from the hell fire, ask Him to end my life in the best condition, and best iman. And maybe I just want Allah to teach me, guide me.. so I can become a better slave for Allah and His Deen, become a better daughter, a better siblings, a better friends, a better muslimah. And also a better writer J.

Kok jadi curhat ya? Pakai bahasa inggris pula, apasih Bell. Hehe.

Anyway.. terimakasih, sudah mengucapkan kalimat itu. Mendengarnya saja sudah senang. I know you're always ready to help me, it's just me.. who doesn't know how to ask help.. or maybe it's just me who doesn't want to ask help of others. 

Izinkan aku menulis beberapa nama di sini. Dan mengucapkan beberapa kata. Untuk ukhtunna shalihaat.

Risma... barakallah.. I don't know how to express myself, somehow I feel proud to see you achieve accomplishment, stage by stage. I must have learned much from you. Don't be tired reminding me, don't be tired being my friends. Aku ma... doain aku ya hehe.

Asni... kangen. Kamu kenapa sih nggak mau ketemu? Hehe. Alhamdulillah tapi tadi sore udah bisa komunikasi lagi. Jaga hatimu ya sayang. Hatimu cuma begitu rapuh, tapi bukan berarti cara melampiaskannya dengan itu. Semoga Allah menjagamu, melindungimu. Someday you will meet someone who can love you without hurting you. In syaa Allah.

Apiiih.. kita jarang ketemu padahal, jarang pula komunikasi. Tapi entah kenapa kaya ada benang merah diantara kita. Apasih Bell hehe. Aku banyak belajar dari Apih.. super produktif Ramadhannya, thumbs up for you. Buruan temuin orang tua, atau telpon lah minimal kalau belum bisa mudik. They miss you, so much. They'll be so proud when they hear your news. Ah.. jadi keinget, masa-masa di asrama, kenangan sama apih, nasihat apih, dengerin tilawah apih, termasuk kenangan saat sama-sama jadi panitia LMD. Ah.. trus jadi keinget teh Uus. Hehe.

Untuk Teh Risma, Asni, Apih.. aku mungkin bukan teman yang baik, bukan kakak atau adik yang baik. Tapi fakta itu.. jangan bikin kalian jauhin aku ya. Doain aja aku hehe. I will try to fix myself, learn and learn again to become better friend for you, and for others.

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Terakhir.. I might end up publish this post, then make it back to draft again. Or may be let it published, and sent the links to you guys. Ah.. kenapa nginggris mulu sih Bell? Karena aku bicara tentang hal yang terkesan private untukku, karena tentang pertemanan, persahabatan, ukhuwah, I'm sensitive about all of that. And maybe will always be sensitive to this topic, lihat saja beberapa jejak air di wajahku saat menulis ini. Ga bisa lihat ya? Ya iyalah, ngeri malahan kalau bisa lihat hehe.

Bye bye.. (:

Allahua'lam.